Eating And Self Identity

After inspecting the intestines, the next process in the internal examination was the removal of the stomach. The stomach is then opened along its greater curvature, releasing the unforgettable smell of gastric acid. A detailed inspection of the stomach reveals important clues about the cause of Amy E. Fraser's art.

Physiological and Psychological Aspects

Metaphoric contents contained in the stomach were the ego and self image. Further investigation of this organ revealed a relationship between eating disorders and the construction of feminine identity, as well as significant information on food and its' relationship to female sexuality. These findings were instrumental in understanding how the female subject came to be and the effects of environment on self perception.

The stomach is a half moon shaped tubular organ that is attached to the esophagus. It churns and liquidizes food before it passes through the small intestines. In our culture, the stomach can be referred to as an abdomen, belly, tummy, craw, paunch, mid-section, pot belly or breadbasket. The stomach is a place of great complexity and vulnerability. It is a barometer of our inner turmoil and it reacts to our moods and thoughts as well as to what we eat. We can get a stomach ache or an upset stomach. It can churn, wrench, twist, be tied in knots, boil, burn, bloat and cramp. The stomach can express distaste, abhorrence, aversion and displeasure. Stomachs can be nervous, growl or fill with butterflies. The stomach has the ability to regurgitate, reject, vomit, curdle and condemn.

In Western culture, the stomach is a commonly used metaphor. If one has the 'stomach' for something, they are metaphorically referring to a taste, preference, appetite, disposition, desire, inclination, hunger or pleasure. Conversely, if one cannot 'stomach' something, the understood explanation is that they are not able to bear, endure, tolerate or suffer through the situation.

Western Femininity and Eating Disorders

Western culture's rather bizarre approach to the female body has a long and sad history. From early Christianity to present day art and popular film, the 'evil' nature of women has provoked both desire and disgust. The dominant feminine ideal in the twentieth century has been the firm and slender female body. I believe this ideal was constructed out of Western societies' desire to contain, control, limit and oppress women both morally and socially.

Femininity and the consumption of food are intimately connected. Eating is an important daily act or ritual, especially for women who are most commonly food gatherers, preparers and servers. Food provides sustenance, pleasure, social ritual and bonding. It is a basic and primal function needed for survival, but, it is also much more. Food and diet have become a central focus in most Western womens' lives. For women, food is a source of expression, frustration, repression, release, contradiction, guilt and conflict.

Eating disorders are a form of protest against Western culture's impossible and unobtainable sexual and feminine ideals. The authors of Female Fetishism suggest, "anorexia, like its obverse, obesity, has been explained as a 'flight from femininity' which consciously denies female sexuality and may involve a flight from 'the male gaze'. This denial takes the form of obsessions surrounding food which creates body shapes that are often seen as 'sexless' by men and women alike" [Gamman, P.123].

In this culture, obese women are viewed as having no self control. It is believed that they have failed in their feminine role and identity. Fat, in addition to Western cultures' other oppressions, reinforces a woman's sense of shame, self loathing and disgust. Female bodily excess has lead to popular misconceptions about mental stability, low self esteem, laziness, problems in identity formation, uncleanliness and a lack of morality. Obese women in popular Western film are generally portrayed as mad, jealous, revengeful and murderous. Susie Orbach states in Fat is A Feminist Issue... that, "explanations offered for fatness point a finger at the failure of women themselves to control their weight, control their appetites and control their impulses" [Orbach, P.16].

Anorexics and bulimics are also accused of rejecting Western femininity. As these women lose extreme amounts of weight, they cease to menstruate, therefore removing a main functional difference between the male and female. Psychologists suggest that the refusal of food also implies a separation from and dependence on the mother with whom food is most commonly identified. In rejecting food, the anorexic is able to deny her sexuality and her changing, aging body.

Object-relations psychoanalyst Hilde Bruch believes the 'vital need' fulfilled by eating disorders is caused by a similar familial pattern. She suggests that the "mother's over-involvement was seen as a consequence of her using the child as a compensatory object for her own lack of fulfillment in marriage or life." Bruch also suggests that obesity fulfills the "individual's desire to be big and powerful enough to live up to the mother's expectations, whilst still remaining dependent on her" [Gamman, P.129].

Some psychologists conclude that binge eating can be a response to stress and tension, sexual desire, sadness and frustration. "Bruch theorizes that some adults have learned to confuse psychological or even sexual needs with hunger signals. For, she argued, the experience of hunger is culturally constructed, rather than innate" [Gamman, P.127]. Women may use food to blot out painful feelings and to deny the reality of their life circumstances. Eating disorders are often a transitional mechanism for coping with unconscious conflicts. Many women relieve psychological stress through body manipulation. Experts on eating disorders such as Kim Chernin, Susie Orbach, Becky Thompson, Lorraine Gamman and Merja Makinen have found many correlations between eating disorders and body image distortion, family conflicts, adolescent separation anxiety, conflicted sexual development, homosexuality, cultural pressure and obsessive compulsive disorders, to name only a handful.

Eating disorders have certainly not gone unnoticed by the powerful profit makers of Western culture. Recently, the androgynous look inspired by anorectics has become popular for many big name advertisers and television shows, promoting the deadly psychological disorder, selling it as fashionable. Conversely, obese women have been targeted by the market for hundreds of costly experimental programs, high risk surgeries and expensive exercise programs, to aid in conforming to the thin Western ideal.

Food As Female Sexual Fetish

The focus of food as a primary source of abjection derives from its significance as an oral object, implying both food and sexual taboos. The authors of Female Fetishism argue "that an important further parallel between bulimia and sexual fetishism is that they both allow the experience of direct, unmediated and unsublimated sensual pleasure by their doing-and-undoing process" [Gamman, P.133]. Bulimia provides one with the orgasmic oral pleasure of eating as well as the sensual satisfaction some receive from vomiting and the removal of other bodily waste. Purging gratification is very similar to sexual release with the erotic pleasure deriving from forbidden foods and guilt. "Oral gratification ... is a re-direction of the pleasure principle experienced in sexual gratification. Unlike sublimation, where the urge is denied and moved onto a metaphorical plane, in bingeing the pleasure is experienced in the plane of the real ... bulimics themselves have been aware of the connections between food and sex for years" [Gamman, P.134]. While sensual pleasure has been obtained, the burden of weight gain has been denied. This act is done because of the fear of food taking over the body and destroying the physical boundaries and limits that have been set for the female bodily ideal. The bulimic disguises her activity and the secret often becomes a source of both shame and strength.

The Body As Religion

I feel that modern day eating disorders may be the result of a search for new religious perspectives. Bulimics and anorexics inflict physical discomfort upon themselves in order to attain Western culture's ideal state of femininity. Eating disorders exhibit the same simultaneous escape from and confirmation of the self that religious ritual and even masochistic acts provide. Similar to religious fanatics, literature on anorexics and bulimics suggests to me that these eating disorders evolve from a struggle for self control and a desire for a state of pureness. Anorexics exhibit complete mental control while denying their constant pains of hunger. Having the power to control their body gives them a sense of identity, self worth and even superiority. They seek to master themselves by mastering the body.

The Stomach In Relation To My Own Life

In my pre/early teens I went through severe stages of both anorexia and bulimia. This is not something I am consciously battling now. However, it is my feeling that few are 'cured' from an eating disorder. One may stop starving or bingeing, but, the perceptions and emotions that initiated the disorder remain and need to be addressed. Just as the little girl within us remains, so do her scars, memories, insecurities and fears. I realize I embodied the typical eating disorder control issues of both the dominator and submissive and that I have a distorted self image. However, the positive aspect is that I have learned to make my own rules and restrictions about my life, agenda and external appearance. I make my own decisions and create my own destiny. I stand by my choices and I refuse to let external influences stand in my way. My identity and self worth are now invested in many things beyond my physical size and shape.

The Stomach In Relation To My Own Art

The thin waisted, flat stomached women in my works are probably the result of my unconscious desire to reach perfection. For me, the women I create are positive representations of femininity and power. The thin waist and stomach represent the dominance and self control I strive to obtain. The imaged woman is about determination and self worth; she is powerful and can withstand suffering. She is willing to work for what she wants and is not a passive participator in life. She is not a frail helpless waif. She is not starving for food or for attention. She does not need Western societies' approval, acceptance or assistance. She is a healthy and vital being. She is lean, muscular and strong but she maintains a realistic sense of feminine weight with full breasts, thighs and bottom. She is not an idol or a Western ideal but she represents my view of perfection. She represents intelligence, but she remains wild, primal, instinctual, sexual and aggressive. She does not possess external beauty in the traditional sense but, she is beautiful in her journey toward feminine perfection.

The figures I create are not a prescription for how others or even I should physically look. They represent having goals, a moral code and setting high standards. I believe everyone should have his or her own conception of perfection, unique to the individual. Beauty cannot only be about external appearance. It is the whole embodied package that is important. Each woman needs to choose her own bodily symbols on which to focus. Being thin, tall and gorgeous is irrelevant if you have little else to back it up.

It is said that art is a magical food that we ingest through the eyes. Viewing a meaningful work of art is like consuming a perfect meal. Art has the ability to transform what we see into who we want to become in the same way that we are what we eat. I hope my works can provide women with that sort of healthy mental nourishment and gratification.